Carrick Out at Spurs; Joins United

Carrick won’t be celebrating with Robbie Keane when he plays for United this season.

According to All 3 Points, Manchester United will confirm that Michael Carrick has been bought off of Tottenham for a reported 15 million pounds. The signing may do well for both squads as Tottenham had a replacement ready for Carrick

in Tom Huddlestone and United has been looking for a center midfielder to replace Roy Keane. Carrick isn’t a Roy Keane type of player but United needs to get over its dependency on the old captain and play a new style that fits their players.

The deal will also help Spurs secure a transfer with Wigan star right back Pascal Chimbonda and go after a top class left winger. Both positions are serious needs for the club. There have been rumors that the North London club are in negotiations with Atletico Madrid regarding left winger Martin Petrov. Petrov is a good friend of striker Dimitar Berbatov, another new signing by Spurs and is known for his pace and ability to set up goals.

Martin Petrov, possible Spurs winger?

Say it ain’t so, Floyd. Say it ain’t so.

First Harold Reynolds, now another American hero is caught in the turmoil of scandal. Floyd Lanids, everyone’s favorite Mennonite has been suspended from his team after testing positive for an unusual amount of testosterone after Stage 17 of the Tour de France (the stage where he made his incredible comeback). Landis is going to ask for the B sample he gave at the end of the stage to be analyzed in order to prove there was a mistake or that the high level of testosterone was caused by a natural process (Landis, being American, has bigger balls than most other cyclists, this could have lead to the unusual testing levels.) Landis’ team, Phonak, out of Switzerland, is comfirming the report and leaves me with no reason take a cheap shot at the French. So that sucks (like the French!).

(Re)Hire Harold!

This is a travishamockery. It has now been confirmed that Harold Reynolds was fired because of a sexual harrassment claim by a co-worker at ESPN. Evidently, the incident occured in an Outback Steakhouse. I for one am siding with Harold. If he says its a big misunderstanding then it is a misunderstanding. I say they give him his job back at the world wide leader (for the sake of BBTN viewers everywhere) or watch him flourish on Fox or on the radio.

Why do I believe him? I don’t know. Maybe its his smooth approach. His laid back attitude and sharp dressing sense. Maybe its because he knows what viewers want to hear and spits a good game. Come to think of it, he would be able to woo any of those young production assistants. Get you some, Harold.

Kruk: Dude, nice score with that intern last night!

Reynolds: Yea I took her to TGIF’s, grabbed her hoo-ha when I pretended to trip.

Kruk: Nice move, I wish I was as slick as you.

Reynolds: Yea you wish you had two balls like me, too.

Pourquoi, Harold, mais pourquois!

The world needs to know why.

Harold Reynolds, the second best analyst on ESPN (right behind Orel Hershiser and about 38478 in front of Steve Phillips) has been fired for reasons unbeknown to man. Aside from reasons like sexual harassment and laughing at Linda Cohn’s jokes, this is a travesty. You need HR in your life, I know I do.

We don’t know why either, Harold.

Do they have red cards in horse racing?

When the daily French paper Ouest-France called for Zidane to apologize “… just so that the children in the stadiums and in the suburbs, in the parks and the school playgrounds, can hear from his lips that this kind of action, while it can be understood and even forgiven, is unacceptable” they must have been referring to grown men who happened to be the size of a child. Jockey Paul O’Neil of England is facing a ban for headbutting his horse. Read that again. Try to comprehend it. He ZiZou’ed his horse in the face. The horse didn’t even cost him the race. He was thrown before the start and evidently thought the horse had become a slave to the business for its own good and punished him for his indescretions with a crash helmet to bridge of the nose. I wish I could make this stuff up.

Edit: Found Video and Photo thanks to deadspin.com (check links).

Cotuit On Top

Not only are they leading the Cape League standings, but they are featured here in a great article about the league on espn.com. The Kettleers are 21-9-1 (yes, we don’t have lights at Lowell Park, Cotuit also has no ATMs to speak of and I am lucky to be using a computer in these parts) and lead the League in both hitting (.268) and pitching (ERA of 2.25). They are on track to reclaim their rightful spot as Cape League champs. They have multiple league leaders in almost every category and have the front runner for league MVP. Justin Smoak of USC (the real one in South Carolina) leads the league in slugging, home runs, extra base hits, and home runs. Life is good in Cotuit. It always has been, but when their is a buzz about the Kettleers, it just seems to be that much better.

Raise Your Hand If You Deserve a Contract Extension

Deion Branch

Patrice Bergeron.

Do the right thing, B’s, Pats.

The World Can’t Stop US, They Can Only Hope To Contain US

As if the French didn’t have enough to worry about.

Their national hero, and badass extraordinaire, Zinedine Zidane had been banned by FIFA for three games, three games he would have never played anyhow, for his deliciously vicious headbutt in the World Cup Final. They didn’t need much more grief. The Tour de France was set to be a reminder of how great French sport could be. They could even find solace in the fact that they wouldn’t be dominated by Lance Armstrong since he had retired and was moonlighting as an award show host. So, imagine how the cycling enthusiasts felt when another American with a serious health issue cruised down the Camps Elysee with champagne on his lips, celebrating victory in their nation’s proudest event. Floyd Landis of the U.S. of A. took the lead and pretty much secured the victory in a time trial just days after what should have been a monumental collapse in the sixteenth stage. If the surgery on his hip does end his cyling career, I suppose this is a good way to go out. I’m guessing the wine wasn’t so smooth and the cheese was a little more foul than normal yesterday afternoon in the French capital.

Speaking of Americans triumphing on someone elses territory. Tiger did it again. For the third time Tiger proved he could play links golf better than anyone else in the world. The British Open is supposed to diminish the use of the driver, Tiger’s money maker. So what does he do? He takes out the two iron and carves up Royal Liverpool. Not even purple flour bombs could stop Tiger, who shot 16 under for his 11th major title, the first without his Dad, who died after the Masters, waiting behind the 18th green. An emotional Woods showed he was human while crying in the embrace of his caddy. Chris DiMarco, also mourning the loss of a parent, proved that despite growing up playing the Links style, the Europeans are not up to the challenge Americans impose (unless its the Ryder Cup, then the Euros play us like a drum).